A Thorn in the Flesh

As I write today's blog post, I am sitting in my recliner with a heating pad on my neck and back.  I have not kept it a secret that I hurt most of the time. Usually I can function without being hindered by the pain, but when I am hindered, it is serious. I realize that there are many people who have it way worse than I.  I don't pretend otherwise, but with that being said, this is my story.

In 2009 I was diagnosed with Advanced Spinal Stenosis and Advanced Degenerative Disc Disease.  Since then I have had two major back surgeries to correct damage in my L4/L5 and L5/S1 discs. The symptoms include;

Numbness in my left leg and foot
Pain in the left leg
Pain radiating in my left hip and down my left leg
Inability to walk/weakness in left leg
Constant pain
Growing weakness in left arm, hands and in extreme cases the entire left side of my body.

After my second surgery, and about 5 months of terrible leg/nerve pain it began to ease up.  At the end of last year, I began to experience neck pain. Just like before, we started out with the X-Ray (insurance requirement, even though it never shows anything)  followed by the MRI to find out that yet another disc was herniated, this one in my neck (C3/C4).  Although the pain was intense at times, the disc was yet to impinge on the spinal column and thus physical therapy was prescribed.  For the most part, PT helped to ease the pain, by creating more pain. I know, it sounds crazy, but even that was short lived. After about 10 weeks of therapy, the pain had only decreased slightly and was never fully gone.

Someone suggested the acupuncturist, to which I was ready to try anything.  I was surprised when after 3 sessions/weeks, the pain was all but gone.  I could live with it and at times I didn't even notice it.  It was a tremendous  blessing and I was able to put off surgery for six months.

However, here we are in September and it has returned angrier than ever.  Another two sessions, with a third on the way and the best relief I can hope for is 6 days.  Additionally, I have noticed a spot in my T-Spine that hurts as if someone has hit me with a hammer.  It burns and runs down into my lower back, causing the original symptoms, pre-surgeries 1 and 2, to return.

Just this morning I had to handle making sure someone (more than one) could cover at church. I really don't like missing church and when I don't get to preach, I feel down.  Coupled with the chronic pain and discomfort that seems to stay like an unwelcome guest, I grow weary of the condition that I feel is stealing my life away.

Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 12:7b-10
Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. ⁸ Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. ⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (NIV)

Although verses like Micah 6:8 and Ephesians 2:8-9 have been my life verses, over the last few years, 2 Cor 12:9 has become a verse I live out each day.  

Before you ask, we have run the first round of X-Rays and more than likely will be headed down the road of regular routine with the final destination being the operating table.  At 34 years old, I can't do the things that many others can, without ending up on my back or in a chair for days on end. In extreme cases, I have been in a wheelchair and heavily medicated.  There is no telling how much of my life I can't remember or was in a medicated stupor for.  Tens of thousands of dollars have piled up in medical bills and it seems as if tens of thousands more will do the same.

As I continue to walk down this road, I will remember two things:

1) My troubles, though my own, are not as bad as many other's
2) His Grace is and always will be sufficient

You probably have a thorn in your flesh as well.  It is in our weaknesses we can boast about the strength and power of our Lord.  I offer my pain as a sacrifice and look forward to the day when I will suffer no more.  Until then, I will move slowly and work hard for there is much harvesting to be done.