The idea of falling in love and
getting married is a novel one. In fact, for many, marriage to one that
they do not love seems unfathomable. But recent psychologists and
self-proclaimed experts have offered their opinions on the matter. For
example, Matchmaker Hellen Chen says,
"if you really want to get married, you should simply commit to marriage
and let romance happen...later" (Trespicio, 2015).
Her reasoning is that, in her opinion, dating is a recipe for heartbreak and
that marriage must come first. In other words, "successful marriages
don't start with love, they end with it" (Trespicio, 2015).
Conversely,
Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker argues that when a couple is in love,
their motivation should not be anything else
(Hartwell-Walker, 2016). One specific reason Hartwell-Walker cited as
a reason to not get married was to legitimize sex. A seemingly good
statement by most standards as I suspect that most Christian parents
would discourage their kids from marrying for sex. There is no
doubt that the Bible clearly offers support for marriage between a man and
woman of whom God has united in love. For example, Colossians 3:14 says
“And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in
perfect unity." Ecclesiastes 4:9 records, “Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help
them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one
keep warm alone?” And the Apostle Paul made clear in Ephesians 5:25 that a man
is supposed to love his wife in a special way by writing, “For husbands, this
means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for
her."
These are just a few verses and
if left here seem to be reason enough to argue that marrying for any reason
other than love is unbiblical. But then there’s that one verse that the same
Paul wrote when addressing the church at Corinth which says, “Now to the
unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.
But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to
marry than to burn with passion” (I Cor 7:8-9).
While somewhat out of context, even in the entire context of the I
Corinthian letter, and more specifically in the context of chapter 7, Paul
clearly states that it is better for a man and woman to marry than to be given
to lustful desires. It is important to note, however, that this man or woman
Paul is addressing is one that is not like him, i.e. gifted for singleness. God
has given some the ability not to burn or lust and such people are considered
as gifted for singleness.
Some might find reason to ask, “so
if I want to have sex with that person, we can go ahead and get married and all
is well?” However, to ask such a question with intent to follow through shows
immaturity and a lack of understanding for the purpose of marriage. For a man and woman burring with desire for
one another, one might hope that there is love between them as well. However,
it is possible for a person to burn with lust while love is absent. For the
Christian, this desire must not be the driving factor of decision making in
their life. While love is certainly a part of most marriages, in the beginning
anyway, and lust may be present as well, the only true cause for marriage is
the bringing together of that one man and one woman by the very God that
created them, one for another. For each believer, discovering God’s Will for
their lives must be first and foremost.
Marriage for any other reason, be it financial benefits, unexpected pregnancy,
familial pressure or even love on its own, does not carry with it the blessings
of marriage anointed and ordained by God. It can work, but it isn’t the same.
What say you? Please comment below.
References
Trespicio, T. (2015, April 09). 3 Reasons Why You Should Marry FIRST And Fall In Love Later. Retrieved July
19, 2018, from https://www.yourtango.com/2014212217/case-getting-married-first-falling-love-later
Hartwell-Walker, M., Ed.D. (2016, July 17). 5 Reasons Not To
Marry the One You Love. Retrieved July 19, 2018, from https://psychcentral.com/lib/5-reasons-not-to-marry-the-one-you-love/
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