Is the idea that Opposites Attract unbiblical?

Is the idea that Opposites Attract unbiblical?

The idea that opposites attract is not a new one. In fact, who really knows how long it has been around? Anyone who knows us knows that my wife and I are total opposites.  I’m loud, she’s soft.  I talk a lot, she’s doesn’t.  I like action movies, she likes foreign films.  I like playing video games, she does not. I hate yard work, she loves it. I am messy, she is clean. There are some different theories in the world today that suggest opposites in a relationship may not be so good after all., however Dr. Gary Chapman disagrees. In his book, The 5 Love Languages, Dr. Chapman suggests that there are five different languages that each individual speaks and often times it is not the same one. Additionally, Dr. Chapman believes that “your emotional love language and the language of your spouse may be as different as Chinese from English” (Chapman, 15, 2017). If this is the case, it is not the opposites that cause the problem, they are merely symptoms. In actuality, it is the lack of communication or the ability to communicate that causes trouble.

It has been suggested that the verse in 2 Corinthians 6:14 which reads, “Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness” (NASB), gives couples reason to pause if they notice differences in themselves. This, however, is a poor hermeneutical understanding of the text. The idea of being bound together with unbelievers or unequally yoked (KJV) is not an issue of opposites it is an issue of salvation.  The image used by the Apostle Paul in this letter to the Corinthians is one that is borrowed from earlier texts, specifically Leviticus 19:19 and Deuteronomy 22:10, which both warn about intermarriage or close alliances with nonbelievers. If the couple is not made up of two believers in Christ, the Bible clearly contains warnings for the union to be ended and not continue on.

When it comes to a couple, such as my wife (Heather) and I, opposites must be clearly defined and understood prior to marriage as well as navigational/communicational techniques learned for such times when disagreements or misunderstandings occur.  Opposites are not inherently bad, but a couple that is not prepared for how opposites will affect their marriage can suffer greatly.  I believe, while “opposites attract” should not be reason alone to date or marry someone, when opposites appear they can be used to highlight the special differences and individuality.   In today’s society it seems as if the term opposite is negative.  For example, if you have a different opinion than I do, you are wrong.  However, that is not how opposites should be seen and good communication in and out of marital relationships is the key to success.

References:

Chapman, G. D., & Green, J. (2017). The 5 love languages: The secret to love that lasts. Chicago: Northfield Publishing.

Photo credit: By Geek3 - Own work, CC BY 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=40403559

Should We Marry for Love, Only?

The idea of falling in love and getting married is a novel one. In fact, for many, marriage to one that they do not love seems unfathomable.  But recent psychologists and self-proclaimed experts have offered their opinions on the matter.  For example, Matchmaker Hellen Chen says, "if you really want to get married, you should simply commit to marriage and let romance happen...later" (Trespicio, 2015). Her reasoning is that, in her opinion, dating is a recipe for heartbreak and that marriage must come first.  In other words, "successful marriages don't start with love, they end with it"  (Trespicio, 2015).

Conversely, Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker argues that when a couple is in love, their motivation should not be anything else (Hartwell-Walker, 2016). One specific reason Hartwell-Walker cited as a reason to not get married was to legitimize sex.  A seemingly good statement by most standards as I suspect that most Christian parents would discourage their kids from marrying for sex.   There is no doubt that the Bible clearly offers support for marriage between a man and woman of whom God has united in love. For example, Colossians 3:14 says “And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." Ecclesiastes 4:9 records, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?” And the Apostle Paul made clear in Ephesians 5:25 that a man is supposed to love his wife in a special way by writing, “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her."

These are just a few verses and if left here seem to be reason enough to argue that marrying for any reason other than love is unbiblical. But then there’s that one verse that the same Paul wrote when addressing the church at Corinth which says, “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (I Cor 7:8-9).  While somewhat out of context, even in the entire context of the I Corinthian letter, and more specifically in the context of chapter 7, Paul clearly states that it is better for a man and woman to marry than to be given to lustful desires. It is important to note, however, that this man or woman Paul is addressing is one that is not like him, i.e. gifted for singleness. God has given some the ability not to burn or lust and such people are considered as gifted for singleness.

Some might find reason to ask, “so if I want to have sex with that person, we can go ahead and get married and all is well?” However, to ask such a question with intent to follow through shows immaturity and a lack of understanding for the purpose of marriage.  For a man and woman burring with desire for one another, one might hope that there is love between them as well. However, it is possible for a person to burn with lust while love is absent. For the Christian, this desire must not be the driving factor of decision making in their life. While love is certainly a part of most marriages, in the beginning anyway, and lust may be present as well, the only true cause for marriage is the bringing together of that one man and one woman by the very God that created them, one for another. For each believer, discovering God’s Will for their lives must be first and foremost.  Marriage for any other reason, be it financial benefits, unexpected pregnancy, familial pressure or even love on its own, does not carry with it the blessings of marriage anointed and ordained by God. It can work, but it isn’t the same.

What say you? Please comment below.

References

Trespicio, T. (2015, April 09). 3 Reasons Why You Should Marry FIRST And Fall In Love Later. Retrieved July 19, 2018, from https://www.yourtango.com/2014212217/case-getting-married-first-falling-love-later  

Hartwell-Walker, M., Ed.D. (2016, July 17). 5 Reasons Not To Marry the One You Love. Retrieved July 19, 2018, from https://psychcentral.com/lib/5-reasons-not-to-marry-the-one-you-love/